journaling -

Seems I’m at a point where the challenge of being my true self is here.  I’ve looked at myself to make changes to have a beautiful life.  For approximately three years I worked with a coach.  An intuitive spiritual coach and a wonderfully direct person.  I started keeping a journal while releasing old habits that did me no favors.  Taking on way more beneficial and supportive habits, ideas, practices, thoughts, eventually I could look at my past.  There were confusing, scary, super sad experiences to look at but I stuck with it and eventually became clear about all that contributed to my beliefs about myself.  And I took ownership about the part where I kept believing those thoughts long after I became an adult.  Releasing whatever I can is an on-going process that shows up whenever I’m ready to look and let go of more. 

Now I’m able to speak up for myself, put myself first, and cultivate joy by doing all the things I love to do.  While it may sound selfish, it isn’t.  It allows me to become a more healthy and balanced person, and therefore, to be of more service to others.  I also started this blog to become more comfortable being authentic.  Around the same time I started this blog I started a conversation group in my local town to find a community of others also looking to create new versions of themselves. 

So what’s next?  There’s volunteer work and I’m very sure I don’t want to just fill up my free time.  I am never bored and never looking to fill my time.  I love my free time because I decide every day what I want to do with it.  Read.  Hike.  Paint.  Write…you get the idea.  And in the past my experience with all the volunteer work I did was not unlike my experience with my career in the corporate world.  Some of it felt like busy work.  In other cases all I was doing was supporting someone else’s mission and vision.  Great ideas but they weren’t my ideas.  At this point, creating my own thing is so much more meaningful.  However, I did find a volunteer opportunity that feels good to me and I’ll be starting that soon.  It requires me being me and connecting with others to create space for them to share whatever they feel and, if they choose, to share who they are.  So again, what is next?  My talks.  To keep reaching out to see if I can speak at various groups.  To share my story because there’s something there of benefit to share.  Being authentic in front of others is big for me because it’s requires vulnerability.  If I cushion and mainstream my story there will be nothing of value that I’m sharing.  Again, what’s next? become more open and share some of my experiences, thoughts and what my passion is.  When I don’t share huge parts of me it makes for very superficial relationships. Things are going really well for me and I could stop here.  I love my life just the way it is.  But there’s so much more that will appear if I step up.  Becoming more me.  With friends, family, audience members, members of the conversation group, and here in this blog.