Gossip just plain old stinks.
If you want to lower your mood, gossip. Or, perhaps you want to cultivate harmful energy toward yourself and then send it outward? Then gossip is a good way to do that.
Every one of our thoughts matter. Some social situations involve sharing and it’s common for us to talk about others. But start to pay attention to how you feel when you’re even just listening to gossip, let alone being the one sharing it. Observe how you feel. How’s your tummy area feel? Tense? I’ll bet!
Talking about someone from a standpoint of concern can turn to gossip.
It can start as simple as intending to share a concern for another and before we know it we’re gossiping. Not that we would consider it as such. We don’t intend to be unkind. A good way to know if it’s beneficial is to ask yourself, would that person we’re talking about like what we’re saying about them? Might they feel we’re stepping on their life experiences?
That’s why it’s helpful to start to recognize it. For me, I feel icky in my gut when I say something about someone. It can even be when I make an offhand comment about a celebrity. When I say something unkind there it is that sinking feeling in my core. That’s my clue that I didn’t need to go there and to shift my thoughts.
Another thing that tends to be gossip is the almighty assumption.
We love to make things up about each other. If I had a dollar for every time I assumed something about someone I’d be a gazillionaire. If I had a dollar for every time someone made assumptions about me I’d be a gazillionaire. Assumptions are little stories we make up as we’re trying to figure the other person out. When we start a sentence with “I think he/she/they…” that’s our clue to stop assuming. My husband and I are now better at catching ourselves doing this and will laugh “oh we don’t know”! And we stop. Please don’t feel bad about yourself when you forget. It’s a practice.
I’ll share a little here about how I experience other people’s assumptions. It’s hurtful. Usually, someone is so far off the truth it’s painful to experience. At some point, I’ll write a blog post about how it shows up for me as feeling other people’s thoughts. When I started to become aware of this I believed I was making it up. No. Usually, eventually, the other person unknowingly confirms their assumption.
We feel each other’s energy and that involves thoughts as well. Our energy often follows our thoughts.
Regarding those that you don’t know very well, here’s a couple of questions for you. Do you ever feel not great around someone and feel they’re not in your court? But you’re not really sure why you feel that way? Conversely, are there are some people you feel safe and secure around? You’re picking up on their energy and in some cases feeling their thoughts and that could include picking up on their assumptions.
If we catch ourselves making up ideas about someone we know, why don’t we instead just ask them our questions? We can discover more about the other person by going directly to them.
We usually don’t know what’s best for another. Of course, there may be a safety and health issue, and it’s of benefit to discuss and step in to assist them. Otherwise, it’s not up to us to “handle” them. Their life, their lessons, and their experiences.
All of this is why, when we have unkind thoughts, not only do you feel it but the other person does as well. That’s also what happens when we put those thoughts to words, even if they don’t hear them.
Here’s what we can do instead. My intention is to keep practicing this until I master disengaging in a non-judgmental way.
Do not
- say it’s ok when a friend asks us if he/she can share the latest gossip.
- assume hearing negative subject matter about conflict and criticism won’t bother us. It will.
- cultivate negativity. Getting involved means we’ll feel lower emotions just in listening.
- offer an opinion, or advice to help, because it doesn’t involve us.
- place our thoughts there for long. Do something else that will bring about higher thoughts before a funky feeling settles in.
Instead, next time (and there’s sure to be more practice)…
- say I’d rather not know what’s going on.
- remind ourselves that our well-being comes first.
Remember
- that even listening about conflict is not beneficial, that includes the news too.
- to talk about anything else but news and gossip.
- how energy works and how it affects us (and others).
- that we’ll feel lighthearted and inspired because of our awesome habits.
- we always have a choice.
How to maintain joy and higher vibration is not about people-pleasing someone by listening to their gossip.
It may seem you’re being polite and kind to listen. But the kindest thing is to stay true to where you usually sit now or where you would like to be energetically.
A suggestion for sending true beneficial thoughts their way is to do a meta meditation.
Create and send something of benefit their way. If you’re concerned for the other person, consider doing a meta meditation. Another short article here.
Meta meditation is a lovely way to send beneficial thoughts to the other person. If you’re interested, click the links above and see how you feel as you read through the statements. Often after meditating, I’ll do a meta meditation. It’s even possible to shift the relationship. This is a beautiful and kind practice. It assists you and those you care about and even those who you’re experiencing difficulty with.
When you’re done saying the meta meditation you can visualize the person saying the exact same meta meditation to you. It’s very powerful to experience this.
Practicing paying attention to our thoughts is so important! It will assist our lives and others more than we’ll realize. Know that you’re beneficially contributing to the collective consciousness. And, watch how your experience of humanity shifts.
Other blog posts about joy:
Receiving My Loud Invitation To Joy
The Power of Coaxing Joy Along